


"Mate"?

by cruciomysoul



Series: How do you spell love? [6]
Category: DC Animated Universe, DCU, DCU (Animated), DCU (Comics), DCU (Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Jaytim - Freeform, M/M, Wrong Number AU, texting prose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-02-22 20:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2520533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruciomysoul/pseuds/cruciomysoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>like</i>
  <br/><i>where do you even buy flees</i>
  <br/><i>i'm pretty sure thats illegal</i>
  <br/><i>would you ever do that to your big bro, mate??? fill his room with fleas????</i>
</p>
<p>Or, you know, that one time Jason accidentally texts the wrong number. Because Damian totally gave him the correct one, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Subject: I am so sorry

**Me**  
so let me tell you, right, last night's dream was weird as hell  
i was in the kitchen, right? n u no how the back door has the top window that opens well i was lookin out it  
and  
there's this moose. a motherfuckin moose like what th hell???? so its munchin on the grass  
dad said u need 2 cut that btw  
and i'm just like "k cool watevs" and so i ignore it? rational thing right. ignore the moose in ur garden  
but anyway i turn around and just lean against the door (theres like 3 other ppl in the kitchen eating)  
and for a few mins everything is cool. then there's like this tapping behind me?? i'm like whaaa??? so i turn  
and it's the bloody moose. tappin at the glass with its antlers. i'm really freaked at this point but no1 else seems 2 care  
so i ignore it agan  
big mistake, man,  
the bloody thing just crashes through the door  
i get stabbed by its antlers  
there's blood everywhere  
and the moose just starts eating everyone in the kitchen

**Damian**  
What

**Me**  
ikr! so weird ahaha

**Damian**  
No I mean 'what' as in What the fuck? Who the fuck even are you?

**Me**  
...  
this isn't damian, is it?

**Not-Damian**  
No

**Me**  
fuck  
I'm so sorry  
this probably isn't what you wanted to wake up to  
but i'm going to kill that little shit  
again, i am so sorry

**Not-Damian**  
Don't worry about it. I'm sure he didn't mean to give you the wrong number

**Me**  
i'm sorry but have you met my little bro? nothing he does is an accident. ever

**Not-Damian**  
No, I have not met your little brother. And I'm sure that's not the case

**Me**  
mate, i am serious that is the case. once when i was, like 7, this was just after i had moved in mind u, he managed to fill my room with fleas  
like  
where do you even buy flees  
i'm pretty sure thats illegal  
would you ever do that to your big bro, mate??? fill his room with fleas????

**Not-Damian**  
"Mate"?

**Me**  
is that not what we are. i thought we hand bonded, like, over our mutual hatred for my brother. i thought it was a prerequisite for friendship, or something

**Not-Damian**  
I don't hate your brother!! I don't even know your brother!

**Me**  
thank yourself lucky, lol  
both my brothers are dicks  
hahahaha  
it's funny cos one of them is actually called dick LOL

**Not-Damian**  
Your brother is called Dick?

**Me**  
ye  
well, Richard, and he's not as much of a dick as damian  
at least HE gave me the right number  
do you have bros????

**Not-Damian**  
No  
I did always want some, though

**Me**  
omg  
take that back  
all brothers are shits, trust me  
i once had one that use to smear like anything on the walls  
he was fixated with cats too  
it was terrible  
worst brother ever  
thank god he's gone now i can't even remember his name  
i don't think he had one  
do u wanna swap lives?????  
u get dick and dami  
i get no one  
it's a win/win but no takebacks if u say yes

**Not-Damian**  
Uh  
No, thanks.  
Anyway, I have to go, class is about to start.  
It was nice... meeting you?

**Me**  
aw shit yeah my class started 10 minutes ago whoops i betta run  
hope roy saved me a seat  
enjoy your day stranger  
again, sorry about all this, man


	2. Subject: Are you shitting me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once is a mistake. Twice is bad luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's quite a bit of science in the bottom part  
> if i've gotten anything wrong please correct me (it is seriously in my exam and i really dont understand it)

**Me**  
when we get home i s2g  
you better hope that sprained ankle has healed  
cos i am not holding back today you litTLE SHIT

 **Damian**  
What are you talking about?

 **Me**  
oh no  
don't you play dumb with me you little shit  
you know exactly what i'm talking  
that wasn't your number  
you made me look like an ass to a complete stranger

 **Damian**  
1) You made yourself look like an ass, and  
2) This still isn't Damian.

 **Me**  
what  
what are you talking about  
of course this is Damian  
you just passed me your number across the canteen

 **I'm-Pretty-Sure-This-Is-Damian**  
I can assure you, I most certainly am not Damian and I most certainly did not pass you my number.

 **Me**  
...  
for fucks sake  
this the same one from earlier???

 **Still-Not-Damian**  
Yes  
I think you have some explaining to do?

 **Me**  
I think I have some murders to commit  
okay tho srs  
i swear, i deleted our convo after i went to class, cos like, i weren't gonna keep some strangers number  
so ur number was gone  
then i saw dami in the canteen so i was like "write ur number down the REAL one"  
so he did and threw it over to me (he'd made it into a paper plane it was pretty cool landed right on target (me))  
so i put the number in and just  
sent him a text  
expressing my annoyance at his prank

 **Still-Not-Damian**  
You didn't recognise that it was the same number as before?

 **Me**  
no!!!! like i said, i'd deleted ur number and i just ASSUMED he'd actually give me the right one this time  
did i actually make myself look line an ass???? sorry mate

 **Still-Not-Damian**  
It's fine, I guess. Looks like you did something to piss him off, though.

 **Me**  
believe me, everything i do seems to piss him off  
but i actually think you may have done something  
cos obvs he got this number from somewhere???

 **Still-Not-Damian**  
But I don't even know anyone called Damian!

 **Me**  
huh  
are u sure?  
what about a colin?

 **Idek-Who**  
Yes I'm sure and no, I don't know a Colin.

 **Me**  
roy???

 **Idek-Who**  
No

 **Me**  
rose???

 **Seriously-Who-Is-This-Guy**  
No

 **Me**  
marias????

 **S **eriously-Who-Is-This-Guy****  
No

 **Me**  
yeah i don't know any marias either

 **S **eriously-Who-Is-This-Guy****  
????  
Look, is this going somewhere? I'm actually trying to study

 **Me**  
oh, sorry mate  
what u studyin?

 **Seriously-Who-Is-This-Guy  
** Chemistry.

 **Me**  
oh sweet!  
fancy telling me about bond enthalpy?  
it's in my exam  
i don't understand any of it

 **Seriously-Who-Is-This-Guy**  
I can try?  
Not sure if I'd be much help, though.

 **Me**  
really?? thanks a bunch, man!

 **Chemisensei**  
Uh, no problem, I guess  
But do you know what bond enthalpy is, exactly?

 **Me**  
enthalpy change that takes place when breaking by homolytic fission 1 mol of a given type of bond in the molecules of a gaseous species

 **Chemisensei**  
You just copied that from the text book, didn't you?

 **Me**  
...nooooooooo

 **Chemisensei**  
I don't believe you, like, AT ALL.  
I'm assuming you know Hess' Law?

 **Me**  
R1 = R2

 **Chemisensei**  
Well, yeah, basically.  
For bond enthalpy, everything has to be in its gaseous state

 **Me**  
so no liquids or solids

 **Chemisensei**  
Nope.

 **Me**  
okay

 **Chemisensei**  
So, bond dissociation enthalpy is the energy required to break one mol of the bond to give separate atoms. An example is:  
2HCl -- > H2 + Cl2  
See how we've gone from HCl to two separate atoms?

 **Me**  
yeah

 **Chemisensei**  
So let's say that reaction takes 432 kJ. This then means that the bond dissociation enthalpy for the H-Cl bond is +432 kJ.

 **Me**  
okay

 **Chemisensei**  
Is this making sense or are you just agreeing with me?

 **Me**  
it's making sense i swear!!!!!

 **Chemisensei**  
Okay, well, let's test that, all right.  
So, you can use bond enthalpies to find out enthalpy changes of reaction.  
I'll give you an example from my textbook. Use it to work out the enthalpy changes of reaction.  
 _Sending Image File..._  


 

 **Me**  
okay, right  
so first i use hess right?

 **Chemisensei**  
Right!  
You can, uh, you can type out your calculations, if you want.  
At least then if you get stuck I can see where you've gone wrong, or something.

 **Me**  
ah okay, cool  
sooooooooo if R1=R2 then  
it goes down to C + 2O + 2H?

 **Chemisensei**  
Yeah

 **Me**  
right ok how do i do delta triangle??? is there a button for it or what

 **Chemisensei**  
I don't know??? What phone do you have???

 **Me**  
sony  
android  
z1  
i dont think there is damn

 **Chemisensei**  
Just type out 'D', then. I'll know what you mean.

 **Me**  
i'll give you my D, if you know what i mean ;);)

 **Chemisensei**  
...  
I'm not even going to dignify that with a response

 **Me**  
sorry sorry  
so for R2 its +1077 + +436 + +464

 **Chemisensei**  
No.

 **Me**  
no?????

 **Chemisensei**  
No, it's +1077 + 2(+464)

 **Me**  
why????

 **Chemisensei**  
Because there are two H-O bonds. Look:  
 _Sending Image File..._

 

 **Me**  
oh!!!!! yeah okay yeah  
so R2 = +1077 + 2(+464) got it  
R1 then equals 2(+805) + +436??

 **Chemisensei**  
Yes! Now you just have to rearrange it to find DH.

 **Me**  
i'll find your D ;);)

 **Chemisensei**  
What are you, twelve?

 **Me**  
wow  
so mean  
i thought you were supposed to be teaching me  
not mocking, Mr. Totally Not Damian  
how do i know you're not secretly damian  
punking me

 **Chemisensei**  
I'm not Damian!

 **Me**  
ye ur right he just walked past with his friends (i think he pays them)  
nd he had no phone so yeah  
ur totally not him

 **Chemisensei**  
I thought we had already established this  
Can we get back to the chemistry, or...?

 **Me**  
right yes ofc.  
so i rearrange it?????  
that means DH = B-C

 **Chemisensei**  
I'm not sure where the letters have come from.

 **Me**  
ohhhhhhh I labelled the routes  
DH = 1077 + 2(464) - 2(805) - 436  
soooooooooooo  
DH = 2005 - 2046  
DH = -41????

 **Chemisensei**  
Exactly!  
The calculations are essentially the same.

 **Me**  
r us srs. is that it. have i done it.

 **Chemisensei**  
Pretty much, yeah!

 **Me**  
christ man u make it look so easy  
thanks a bunch  
i mean yeah

 **Chemisensei**  
No problem!  
But, boy, you're really in your element here, aren't you?

 **Me**  
AKASJDHSJ  
NO  
YOU DID NOT  
JASDHJ  
marry me

 **Chemisensei**  
As tempting as that offer is, I'm afraid I will have to decline.

 **Me**  
why  
is it my hair  
everyone always says its the hair  
i swear it's not my fault it's like this  
it only appeared after i moved in with dami  
i think he put something in my shampoo  
or it's stress  
from having to put up with his shit 24/7

 **Chemisensei**  
I was actually declining on the basis that you are, a) a total stranger, and b) a total stranger

 **Me**  
mate, we've been over this. we've at least hit the friendship mark. bonding over our mutual friendship for my brother, remember? it's diatomic  
(see what i did there? ;))

 **Chemisensei**  
That was terrible!  
Also what's wrong with you hair?

 **Me**  
nothing. nothing is wrong with my hair. my hair is hella fine, THANK YOU.  
speaking of hair, i actually have to go now, before i miss the bus

 **Chemisensei**  
That actually has nothing to do with hair, but all right

 **Me**  
hey, can i  
is it okay if i text you again? tomorrow? i kinda like talking to you (and ur a good teacher)  
sorry if thats weird

 **Chemisensei**  
Uh, well yeah, that's pretty weird  
But sure why not, I mean, you're kind of entertaining anyway so, yeah, go ahead.

 **Me**  
really? cool! talk to you tomorrow, chemisensei!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i need to apologise profusely for this monstrosity i am attempting to call a fic


	3. Subject: Introductions

**Me**  
so what's ur name  
also good morning

 **Chemisensei**  
I'd rather not tell you that, actually.

 **Me**  
awwwww c'mon, we're mates arent we?????  
i thought we had established this  
i'm pretty sure we BONDED over enthalpy

 **Chemisensei**  
You're not going to stop with the puns, are you?

 **Me**  
hey u started it!  
but why won't u tell me ur name  
i'll tell u mine  
we can trade!!! (nd then get married)

 **Chemisensei**  
Telling me your name still won't get me to marry you.  
Plus, it'd be illegal.

 **Me**  
we can elope  
canada  
u seem like you'd like canada

 **Chemisensei**  
You know, there are moose in Canada  
They kill around 5-10 people annually.  
Very aggressive.

 **Me**  
hah ye we aint goin' canada  
how about europe????  
i hear their moose pop. is startlingly low

 **Chemisensei**  
Nah, I think I like the sound of Canada, or Alaska, actually

 **Me**  
hey fuck u  
any1 would be lucky to marry me  
aNYWAY i need ur name  
i can't just have u as 'chemisensei'  
ppl r gonna ask questions  
questions i cnt anSWER bcos i dONT KNOW UR NAME

 **Chemisensei**  
Am I actually saved as Chemisensei?

 **Me**  
ofc  
capitalisation and everything

 **Chemisensei**  
Huh. You're not even saved.

 **Me**  
ur words  
they wound me  
such hurt  
very deep

 **Chemisensei**  
Am I supposed to feel moved by that or

 **Me**  
yes

 **Cheisensei**  
Huh  
Duly noted

 **Me**  
:(  
my names jason  
jason todd  
there  
u can save me in ur phone now  
:D

 **Chemisensei**  
You're not very convincing, you know.  
Wait  
Jason Todd??  
Do you live in Gotham, by any chance??

 **Me**  
ye  
y  
r u stalking me  
i bet u fb stalked me just then right????

 **Chemisensei**  
No, no  
We live in the same town  
I remember hearing your name once, is all

 **Me**  
O rlly???

 **Chemisensei**  
Yeah  
You go to Gotham Acadamy, right? Seventh Year?

 **Me**  
sixth  
how do u know all this  
wait u live in Gotham too??????  
so u DO know dami

 **Chemisensei**  
I don't know your brother!!  
My friend Bart is Wally's cousin  
He told me about your, er

 **Me**  
my 'er'???????  
also i know wally!!! dick's bf  
thats for best friend, supposedly  
but dami and i both know they secretly bangin  
he tried to set up cameras in dicks room once 2 try and catch them  
but i persuaded him not to  
cos  
TMI u know?? no 1 wants to see that  
anyway what did bart tell u bout me  
idk if ive spoken to him or not  
bad memory

 **Chemisensei**  
He said that the person who streaked across the football stadium was you.  
Jason?  
Hello?  
You still there???

 **Me**  
damn  
who else knows  
cos i can't get arrested  
not again, man  
once was enough  
JK  
i haven't been arrested  
juvy yes  
jail no

 **Chemisensei**  
...Do I want to know what you went to juvy for or not?

 **Me**  
probably not tbh  
but i will tell u  
one day  
not today  
i need to know if i can trust u  
starting off with learning ur daMN NAME  
oh!!!!!  
i could ask wally to ask bart  
oh but that means asking dick for wally's number :(  
dont want it 2 look like im moving in on his guy  
not that wally is HIS GUY or anything OH NO  
it's strictly no homo between them  
100% no homo  
they just bros  
100% bromo  
*cough*bullshit*cough*

 **Chemisensei**  
You sound oddly bitter about that

 **Me**  
well ye  
what does he think that we're going to judge him????  
ofc not  
dami's had the hots for his bff since b4 i came around  
tho i think thats because colin is the only one im positive dami isn't paying  
i think he's whacked in the head or something  
jst kidding  
colins cool  
we spent some time together a few years back in the same foster family  
im hoping he will be a good influence on dami  
emphasis on hoping

 **Chemisensei**  
And what about you?

 **Me**  
me????  
what about me????

 **Chemisensei**  
Well, what's your stance on whether Dick is banging Wally or not?

 **Me**  
let me put it aptly  
this is a family of gays  
idk where bruce went wrong  
i'm also p. sure bruce is crushing on his 'business partner'  
its in quotes because bruce is self employed and this guy is a journalist  
what business could they have 2gether i do not know  
do not want to know

 **Chemisensei**  
So you're gay, too, then

 **Me**  
eh  
well  
its more of a vague wiggly hand movement  
i mean  
if ur cute  
ur cute son that's it  
u got game and i wanna play  
which gives us me a perf segue  
send pics!!!!!  
wanna no if ur cute  
wanna no if i can play this game ;)

 **Chemisensei**  
I can never actually tell if what you are saying is serious or not.  
You are literally impossible to figure out.

 **Me**  
im serious!!!!! so serious in fact people often ask me  
why so serious?  
and i just laugh

 **Chemisensei**  
Right.

 **Me**  
its so dark outside  
hey can u believe we've been texting all day????  
all day and i STILL don't know ur name OR ur face  
how ironic

 **Chemisensei**  
It's not that ironic. (Or at all??)  
  


 **Me**  
ye well  
hey if i sent a pic first would u send one after

 **Chemisensei**  
Probably (read: definitely) not.  
Feel free to still send, however. I can finally see what's wrong with your hair ;)

 **Me**  
did u just  
did u just make fun of me  
chemisensei u did NOT  
oh no  
it's on  
 _Sending Image File..._  
look  
thats my angry face  
thats my very angry, sullen face  
(but if u look deep into my eyes u can see smiles there)  
(cos that was actually pretty good ngl)

 **Chemisensei**  
Your... your hair is grey!

 **Me**  
yes yes  
laugh it up y dont u  
17 y/o with a grey streak  
very funny yes

 **Chemisensei**  
It's natural?!

 **Me**  
no no ofc not  
i just thought i'd dye a streak of my hair grey  
like the clouds or some shit  
u no become 1 with nature  
OF COURSE IT'S FUCKING NATURAL

 **Chemisensei**  
All right, all right  
Why don't you just dye it?

 **Me**  
'cos it'd look patchy  
like id have to dye all of my hair  
and i cba to do that  
i like living o'natural  
well whatever  
i'm actually going to go to sleep  
goodnight

 **Chemisensei**  
Goodnight.

...

 **Chemisensei**  
Jason?

 **Me**  
what

 **Chemisensei**  
It's Tim. Goodnight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes?? no??? good??? bad????


	4. Subject: Snoops McSnoop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason don't stalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shitface is Damian  
> quite a lot of swearing i'm sorry
> 
> also if some of u dont know A&E is 'accident and emergency' i.e ER

**Me**  
Timothy Jackson Drake  
Black hair w/ blue eyes  
Gotham High  
Also 6th year

 **Shitface**  
Todd fuck off.

 **Me**  
no  
no way  
you're the reason this is all happening  
so i'm telling you about this guy whether you like it or not  
stop banging on my wall

 **Shitface**  
It's not YOUR wall. Our rooms are right next door to each other. I'm banging on MY wall.

 **Me**  
fuck off smart arse  
lives near Bart  
doesn't bart live in central????

 **Shitface**  
Not any more. Wally and he moved closer for 'work'. I don't think I have to spell out to you what kind of work I'm talking about.

 **Me**  
interests are hey turn that down i don't want to listen to linkin park

 **Shitface**  
It's Nickelback

 **Me**  
that's evEN WORSE TURN IT OFF  
nyway  
timmy's interests

 **Shitface**  
Photography, books relating to criminal psychology, running, with small endeavours in the acrobatic fields.

 **Me**  
what the fuck

 **Shitface**  
Also allergic to peanuts.

 **Me**  
JUST HOLD UP ONE MINUTE

 **Shitface**  
In his third year at GH he got his first ever detention for telling a teacher that was verbally insulting another student to 'fuck right off back to the shit hole they crawled from'.  
Has won various student awards and has impeccable attendance.  
Avid fan of his schools basketball team, and part of the cross-country pack.  
Supports his best friend Connor Kent in his boxing tournaments.

 **Me**  
im  
what  
how do u even  
i dont  
waIT  
YOU FUCKER  
YOU KNOW HIM  
YOU KNEW WHOSE NUMBER YOU WERE GIVING ME  
YOU LITTLE SHIT

 **Me**  
DAMIAN GET BACK HERE  
I CAN SEE UR ASS RUNNING ACROSS THE GARDEN  
UR NOT SPSED 2 BE OUT THIS LATE  
ITS BREAKING CURFEW  
ILL TELL DAD  
ANSWER ME DAMN IT  
I'M COMING AFTER YOU  
I SWEAR YOU WONT KNOW WHATS HIT YOU  
FUCK

* * *

 

 **Me**  
yes yes laugh it up

 **Roy**  
i'm sorry  
ahahahahaha  
i'm sorry but what the fuck  
how did you even do that  
why would you even do that  
hahahaha

 **Me**  
i fuckin h8 u  
ur sposed to be my man  
i needed u 4 backup  
nd u didnt show  
nd loOK WHAT HAPPENED  
I AM IN A &E  
A & E  
IM BLEEDING  
BLOOD  
BRUCE IS ANGRY  
SO FUCKING ANGRY CHRIST I HATE U

 **Roy**  
okay first of all, how was i supposed to know it was back up you were after?  
all you put was "dude come on its T2MTFR"  
i don't even know what that last word was  
also where did you even get those fireworks from  
please don't say you made them

 **Me**  
i didnt make them!  
rose did

 **Roy**  
oh dear lord

 **Me**  
nd they were pretty fuckin' great

 **Roy**  
i'm friends with criminals  
also what does it MEAN

 **Me**  
?????what does what mean????

 **Roy**  
T2MTFR

 **Me**  
time 2 kill this fuckin rat  
i thought i told u that

 **Roy**  
no no you have never told me that  
so what did he do that caused you to attempt to kill him and get hospitalised in the process

 **Me**  
not hospitalised  
heading home now  
i get the next couple of days off school  
'recuperation' bruce's mouth says  
'ur dead meat' bruce's eyes say  
can u believe all dami has is a couple of scrages and some light burns  
th fuck  
hes like a ninja or something  
nyway  
i think texting is annoying bruce im sposed to be in 'just reprimanded' mood so g2g ttyl

* * *

  

 **Tim**  
So, it's mid-day and I haven't heard from you yet. But I did hear an interesting story from Bart.  
Are you, uh, alive?

 **Me**  
were u worried about me  
thats so sweet  
i knew we would get married

 **Tim**  
Oh, great, you're fine, see you later then Jay.

 **Me**  
wait what  
don't go  
i was kidding  
i'm not fine  
very injured  
knocked out  
blood  
stitches  
everything  
emergency surgery

 **Tim**  
Emergency Surgery?!

 **Me**  
mayb not emergency surgery  
or stitches  
they used glue  
woulda preferred stitches  
u have a peanut allergy  
woulda had a nice scar with stitches  
mayb ill just get a tattoo of one of them  
how does bart even find out these things it happened last night

 **Tim**  
One of those text messages? Not at all like the rest. How do you know that?

 **Me**  
would u believe me if i told u i fed u 1 in a dream last nite nd u died

 **Tim**  
No.

 **Me**  
aight  
dami told me

 **Tim**  
Okay.  
How does Damian know?

 **Me**  
thats what i'd like to fuckin know  
he knocked me out before i could ask tho

 **Tim**  
Wait what.  
I thought you were joking about being knocked out?

 **Me**  
oh no that happened  
im curious  
what did u hear  
like what exactly did bart tell you

 **Tim**  
I'll just forward you it, probably easier.  
FW: TIM TIM THAT JASON GUY YOU'RE MESSAGING JUST SET OFF THE MOST FANTASTIC DISPLAY OF FIREWORKS NEAR THE PARK  
FW: SERIOUSLY TIM YOU NEED TO SEE THIS ITS FANTASTIC THEY'RE SO COLOURFUL EVERYTHING'S BLUE  
FW: OH WAIT NO  
FW: THEY'RE NOT BLUE OH GOD THAT'S AN AMBULANCE  
I was asleep, it was such a pleasant way to wake up.

 **Me**  
im detecting a lil sarcasm there mate

 **Tim**  
Peanut Allergy. How.

 **Me**  
ur not gonna let that go r u

 **Tim**  
No.

 **Me**  
dami told me, i was telling him about u as punishment for giving me ur number, and he's all like:  
"photography" "running" "impeccable attendance" "cute"

 **Tim**  
Your brother called me cute.

 **Me**  
ok mayb he didnt call u that but it was implied

 **Tim**  
Somehow I doubt that

 **Me**  
nYWAy i was like "how u no that i could only get his school off his fb profile"

 **Tim**  
You facebooked me?

 **Me**  
nd that was when he jumpd out the window w/ me in pursuit  
ofc i facebooked you  
i needed to know  
like desperately

 **Tim**  
I see. And now that you do know?

 **Me**  
now that i do know what

 **Tim**  
That I'm 'cute'. Do I pass the test? Is it acceptable to continue to converse with me, Mr Todd?

 **Me**  
wait what  
i wouldnt have stopped talking 2 u if u weren't cute you know  
like srsly  
ur cuteness is just an added bonus  
dont u ever think otherwise Timmy  
i would marry u even if u had an ass for a face  
do you hear that, Tim?  
An ass for a face.

 **Tim**  
As charming as that potentially grammatically correct declaration was, we are still not getting married.

 **Me**  
:(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kill me this going nowhere im going to wrap it up at 8 chapters i think just so i can end the embarrassment and file it away.


	5. Subject: Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what 'm doing but i just got back from a weekend in London and the comment 'Helen Smith' left on my other JayTim made me feel really bad so here ya go kiddies  
> really short sorry but slight development??? (Papa!JayBruce feels!!!!!!)

**Me**  
it's day 5 of recuperation. I am still confined to my bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen (between the hours of 9 and 6, bathroom is 24/7). However I have been successful in procuring late night snacks at exactly 11:56PM every night, at the time when Bruce is brushing his teeth. The sound of the water gushing through the thick, lead piping drowns out the whisper of my ghostly foot steps above the planks of wood that line the hallway.

 **Roy**  
bitch your landing is carpet

 **Me**  
u ruined the atmosphere u fucker  
i was even shiverin when i typed it  
fuck u man, that was novel worthy shit  
god  
go away  
i get my phone back after a week of radio silence n this is how u treat me  
does our friendship mean nothing to you??????????????????

 **Roy**  
I see you literally every morning and evening when I walk past your house  
You press your face against the glass and squish your nose  
It's why you've got that ridiculous crease permanently across it  
also nice bandage

 **Me**  
f u c k o f f

* * *

 **Me**  
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
I got all your messages  
Let me begin with an apology  
I am so, so sorry I vanished on you. Bruce took my phone after the incident, and he's just given it back. If I could have contacted you any other way, I would have, but I was also banned from the internet, so once again, I'm sorry. I wasn't ignoring you, or mad at you, so please don't call the wedding off.

 **Tim**  
That apology was going so well.  
But thank you for the apologising, (though I wasn't mad, just rather confused.)  
Seriously though, are you okay?

 **Me**  
yeah, i'm all good. toughed the punishment out.  
I'll be honest, though, I was concerned for a moment that he'd send me back.

 **Tim**  
Send you back?

 **Me**  
to the dumping ground.

 **Tim**  
Oh. Can he do that?

 **Me**  
god ye  
all he has to do is drop me off and say cya  
but he wouldn't  
i know that now  
we had a good heart to heart a couple days ago  
i felt like this was the bust up I needed  
which sounds awful  
but we've been dancing on the edges ever since i moved in tbf  
even tho he's my favourite person ever  
sometimes i even slip up and call him dad n he never mentions it, just goes w/ it  
but i'm so lucky to have found him  
and dick and dami, if i'm honest  
there are worst families out there  
sorry man that's a load off my chest

 **Tim**  
No worries, seriously. It's good to unload. Thank you for thinking highly enough of me to share that.  
I mean, I know I'm technically a stranger, but it takes guts still, so. Thank you. And I'm glad you and Bruce (that's his name, right?) managed to grow from this.  
You deserve happiness, Jay. Don't let anyone tell, or treat you differently.

* * *

 

 **Princess**  
i fucking love you man  
seriously  
that's great  
but i'm so fucking sorry you ended up in hospital  
seriously  
not the intention  
i should have done more tests  
so stupid of me to give them to you  
are you mad?

 **Me**  
naw i'm good, love you too kiddo  
but please more texts next time  
but it was also my fault for using them

 **Princess**  
are you okay, though? No scars?

 **Me**  
i'm a-okay princess, i'll even be in school next week.  
did u make some notes for me?

 **Princess**  
yeah, i typed them up too so i'll email them over

 **Me**  
perf, thanks a bunch  
ps bruce wants a stern word with you  
don't mention hallowe'en.

* * *

 

 **Tim**  
Hey, Jason...  
What would you say to meeting up at some point?


	6. Subject: Christmas has come early

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's valentines u fuckers so here is a surprise
> 
> Also, I'm literally just going to wrap this the heck up now, meaning the next chapter will be the last one. I just think it will be better to do so, as I don't want to prolong this texting fiasco between the two of them. Sorry if that disappoints anyone, but I hope you understand!

**Me**  
i would say who r u n what have u done w/ my future husband  
so who r u  & what have u done to him????????  
i will fight you  
don't think i won't  
i will fuck u up if you've hurt timmy

**Tim**  
Well, thanks for asserting that you would in fact come to my rescue, but it is actually me.

**Me**  
prOVE IT  
tweet me  
tell u love me

**Tim**  
No.

**Me**  
ok yeah it's u  
so u were serious, huh?  
about wanting to actually meet up?

**Tim**  
Oddly enough, yes.

**Me**  
why

**Tim**  
What do you mean, why? 

**Me**  
well, like, what's brought this on all of a sudden?

**Tim**  
You could say I'm curious.

**Me**  
curious or bi-curious?  
is this ur way of coming out to me?  
that's a shitty way  
4/10  
mostly of that's for effort  
work on ur delivery

**Tim**  
Oh fuck off, if you don't want to then fine.

**Me**  
no, wait!!!!!  
I'm sorry  
forgive me for being a (great) ass  
i do want to meet you  
well i want to marry u but we'll save that for another day  
so yes i wanna meet

**Tim**  
Okay.  
That's a relief.

**Me**  
can we do it soon?

**Tim**  
No, we have to wait until the 7th full moon in a leap year.

**Me**  
oh fuck you

**Tim**  
;)

**Me**  
DID U JUST GIVE ME A WINKY FACE?  
YOU DID  
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED

**Tim**  
If you say we're getting married one more time I will cancel on you (so not great) ass.

**Me**  
baby no come back

**Tim**  
I'm free Saturday... is that any good for you?

**Me**  
Saturday is great  
it's a date.

**Tim**  
It is /not/ a date.  
See you Saturday.

* * *

 

**Me**  
guess who has a date

**Princess**  
I heard it specifically wasn't a date

**Me**  
how tf   
daMIAN  
THAT LITTLE SHIT  
HE'S BEEN SNOOPING  
I'll kill him

**Princess**  
yeah 'cos that worked out so well for you last time, didn't it?

**Me**  
-.-

* * *

 

**Me**  
ay roy

**Roy**  
What do you want?

**Me**  
I got a date ∩(︶▽︶)∩

**Roy**  
I was told it wasn't a date

**Me**  
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻   
HOW DOES HE MANAGE 2 TELL PEOPLE BEFORE ME?!

**Roy**  
probably because you keep leaving your phone lying around  
Seriously, put a password on it

**Me**  
IT DOES HAVE A PASSWORD

**Roy**  
Then you're screwed mate that boy is a genius

**Me**  
that boy is a rat  
i will squish him

**Roy**  
Do that and you'll be grounded again

**Me**  
worth it

**Roy**  
If you're grounded you can't go on your 'date'.

**Me**  
y r u always the voice of reason

**Roy**  
Someone in this clusterfuck trio has to be

* * *

 

**Shitface**  
Where is my laptop?

**Me**  
what laptop? ★~(◡ω◡✿)

**Shitface**  
Don't play games with me, Todd.  
I know where you sleep.

**Me**  
★~(◡ω⊙✿)

**Shitface**  
I will tell father.

**Me**  
★~(⊙ω⊙✿)

**Shitface**  
Where are you? Your bed is empty.

**Me**  
(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

**Shitface**  
TODD.

**Me**  
shoulda thought b4 u hacked into my phone kiddo  
good luck finding ur laptop  
it's somewhere in the house  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°)

**Shitface**  
You will regret this.

**Author's Note:**

> 0kay so the only reason i've started this is because it's almost november
> 
> and those of you who were reading my stuff last year will know that for nanowrimo, instead of writing a novel, i use the time to finish all of my ongoing fics
> 
> sooooo plenty of jaytim this month for you guys!!!!!!! (my target this year is 80,000)
> 
> (also that dream is one i have actually had)


End file.
